Insecurities: How to Find and Heal them

Steps to identify your insecurities, deal with and get rid of them

“One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a shit.”

J. A. Konrath

Insecurities; everyone has one… or many. There is not one human being on this planet who is not insecure about some aspect of themselves. This can be a physical insecurity or an insecurity of some character trait. Insecurities are so deeply rooted in our subconscious that makes it hard for us to find their root – the moment they were created. Usually it is a situation in which we felt a sense of shame or abandonment. Going back in time and finding the precise situation and everything that was involved with it – people, colours, scents – is tough. Nevertheless, it is not impossible. There are many things that can trigger an insecurity. Oftentimes, we feel a certain emotional discomfort and we do not even know why. Those are the certain stimulations/stimulants that were present when the insecurity emerged. Our subconscious “remembers” everything that was present in the moment of discomfort and even when we do not find ourselves in one of those moments in the present time, our subconscious still senses those stimulants and awakens the feelings we felt in the past. This proves the deepness of our insecurities’ roots.

Identifying your insecurities

The first step of the road is identifying your insecurities. You cannot heal something that you do not know exists. What makes you feel uncomfortable? What are personal characteristics and traits that you think others will ridicule or make fun of? Many times, insecurities do not bother us when we are alone or with people that we hold dear. Discomfort and its expressions become visible in the presence of strangers or a bigger group of people. Knowing that, we can use those situations as tests to figure out what really makes us uncomfortable.

Honesty and Transparency unveil your Insecurities

Honesty and transparency are fundamental in your journey of discovering and healing your insecurities. Are you honest with yourself? Are you sure about that?

Being honest with yourself can be hard. Many times, we hide behind fake pride and a sense of superiority to hide our true feelings and thoughts about ourselves. “Look at those guys doing this or that. Who do they think they are?” Thoughts like those have entered my mind plenty of times. Seeing people do things that I would not be able to do due to my shyness. This is one way one way to identify an insecurity. Whenever you are reacting negatively towards people being themselves and enjoying the moment, it could just be you being frustrated that you are not capable to live happily in the present moment like they do. Why criticise someone else when you are content and happy in your specific situation?

People and Experiences

Additionally, another way to identify an insecurity is by observing your behaviour in the presence of certain people. Behaving a certain way led to a specific reaction from people close to you. A negative reaction to your self-expression created a subconscious insecurity or blockade. Eventually, you took the suppression of this sort of self-expression to other spaces and places of your everyday life. The mental barricade expanded. “If they shame me for this form of self-expression here, then they will probably shame me for that same form of self-expression there.”

Therefore, you can connect a certain insecurity to a specific person that made you feel ashamed at a young age, when your subconscious was still in development. Observe yourself. How do you behave in the presence of certain people? Are you behaving differently when they are around as opposed to their absence? Why? Is there an experience of the past in the presence of that person that made you feel negatively? Connect the dots – experiences, feelings, people. This information is of importance in the next next steps.

Heal your insecurities

The next step is tricky. It takes courage and purposeful decision making. Now that you have identified your insecurities, you need to put yourself out there and face them. What really bothers us when it comes to our insecurities are their consequences. People can see that we do not feel comfortable in a situation because of how the insecurity is expressing itself: excessive sweating, stutters, shaking hands or eyebrows. We do not want people to see those outbursts of anxiety, nervousness and discomfort, therefore we try to avoid situations that will bring forth those reactions. For that reason, for many years I avoided holding presentations or raise my hand in school. Those reactions still occur because they are deeply rooted in my nervous system. Nevertheless, in order to change that, I have to put myself in a position that will produce those reactions as often as possible.

Get Comfortable in Discomfort

Discomfort is something we have to get comfortable living in. When you realise and implement that, it will create the most beautiful and rewarding feeling. Put yourself in situations of discomfort as often as possible. Yes, people will see the sweating, the stuttering, and the awkwardness. Yes, some people will judge you. Nevertheless, you need to learn to live with those things if you want to improve your life and create something great. For the most part, the most uncomfortable situations are the ones that help us grow the most. By avoiding them, we are hindering our own evolution, our own progress. Embrace your reactions to discomfort, embrace your awkwardness, become one with it. Be brave and stand your ground.

Be Brave and Just Do It; No Matter the Outcome

In the past, I delayed events because of my social anxiety. Dates, presentations, job interviews and so on. The reason for that was my fear of the outcome. “What if the presentation went badly? I would embarrass myself in front of everyone. The girl will probably not even like me and find me weird or even creepy. I do not have the credentials for this job, the interview is just a waist of time.” My insecurities were controlling my thoughts and actions.

By thinking like that I could not see one very important thing: my potential. It took many years for me to believe in my potential and put myself out there for people to see. I had to create the right mindset and the first step was to just be brave and do what need to be done, no matter the outcome. The outcome is not important. At the end of the day, we will do everything in our power for a good result. What is not acceptable is no result at all. A bad outcome is unquestionably more beneficial than avoiding the event entirely. What will you learn by avoiding the event? Nothing.


Ultimately, if you want progress and success in life, you need to identify and heal your insecurities. Therefore, identifying is the easier part. What will be tough is putting yourself out there for people to see your naked soul. You need to change your mindset. Say to yourself, “I will just do it, no matter the outcome. I will be brave enough to face my insecurities and their expressions.” Sooner or later you will be put into an uncomfortable position. Therefore, it is more valuable to put yourself there first so you have the power to control it and grow.


Be brave enough to show your insecurities and their expressions!

5 responses to “Insecurities: How to Find and Heal them”

  1. Every individual is different, sometimes it is a good idea to face what you fear. Sometimes it is better to wait or avoid or seek help depending on the situation.

  2. For example if you are a very introvert or shy person don’t force yourself to speak in front of hundreds of people. It is okay to accept that you can’t.

    • This is exactly the situation I have found myself into during the first 18 years of my life. If you just assume that you can’t, you will never be able to realise that you actually ARE capable of doing those things. You can overcome your shyness and to a high degree also your introversion.

      • Every situation and every individual is different. But that doesn’t mean that you are not right. Congratulations for overcoming your shyness.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: